A Working Mom’s Lament

I wrote this one night right before I started working full time.  Now that I've been at it a month, I figure I'm gonna put it on my blog.  I think it will be important for me to be able to look back and see my feelings.  So, here ya go, Lydia's Memory.  One more time:

Oh sweet Baby, how I miss you already  -
You stay on my mind all day and weigh on my heart every second.
Your sparkling eyes and captivating grin have no idea that they won’t be met with mine for the rest of the day, and then all day tomorrow, and then all day the next...
And my teary eyes and forced smile are heavy with my burden of guilt as I hug you goodbye this morning.

You are growing every hour, changing every second. 
You are a perfect design, so malleable to any and all forces of good and evil anywhere your are.
Your perfect and divine design cries out for it to be your mother who nurtures you to the forces of good and protects you from the evil, who trains you in the Lord, who loves you with touch and treasures memories of your blessed innocence through the day...
But our world is not perfect and neither is your mother -
Your perfect design is being forced to adapt, and because it is divine, it will do so beautifully, and because it is divine, it will do so only at the cost of your mother’s tears -
Because mothers, too, are divine designs, connected so intimately to their young, that her baby’s pain is ever so much more intense than personal pain... that mothers go hungry long before their young hungers.... that mothers are exhausted in order for their babies to be rested...
And though mothers are a divine design, she is human.
And the humanity brings the flaw of guilt ... the tears of missing her baby.

Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of family to help raise babies.  Thank you family (Rachel) for being so dear to us and being likely the only reason I stay sane through this.

Griffin.  I miss you sweet baby.  I won’t be like this forever.