Today...

This is an account of the few days leading up to Griffin's birth and his birthday. I'm blogging it not because I think everyone is so interested, but because, as hard as it is, I want to remember. I know someday will come when he frustrates me to no end, and I will have this memory to remind me how thankful I am to have him - and to have him living at home with me. It's really long, and there are no pictures until the end, so if you read it, hang in there.

Today is Wednesday October 13th:

I was so excited to go to the doctor for my 36 week appointment. I thought maybe, just maybe they would tell me from the sonogram that Griffin had performed his acrobatic feats and turned head down. I was there for a regular weekly appointment to have a sonogram to check my amniotic fluid levels and to have fetal stress testing done as I had bee doing the previous 3 weeks. Last week my fluid level was 9.4 cm. The week before it was 9.5 cm. And the week before, it was 7.5 cm. The doctor wants it to be between 10 and 20 cm and when the level gets to 5cm or below it is considered critical. Griffin had been moving around like crazy, so I felt like everything was going to be fine... mostly.

I had been telling Chris over the weekend that I felt like Griffin was getting the hiccups more and that my belly had gotten smaller... weird, we thought, but not bad.

I got to my appointment, always excited to get a glimpse of my baby on that black and white screen and I could tell that the fluid was lower before the sonographer even gave me the measurement. We were down to 6.3 cm. Hmmm.... Let's go see what the doctor has to say.

My doctor said that this was not the "best" sign, but we shouldn't worry or panic right now. He sent me home from the appointment to drink a liter to a liter and a half of water and to REST. I was to come back in the morning to check it a gain. "More than likely," he said, "we'll be back above 8cm and you'll just be on bedrest the rest of the pregnancy."

So, home I went. I drank and drank and drank and drank 2 liters of water that night.... at least. And we prayed.

Today is Thursday, October 14:

Today, I went to the doctor a little bit more nervous than I normally do. Chris and I showed up at the appointment and settled in for the sonogram. We both could tell immediately again that the fluid level was lower. We were down to 5 cm.

The doctor decided to admit me to the hospital for IV fluids to see if we could pull the fluid levels up using the intravenous method.

So, Chris and I began call our parents... and freak out a little bit. Were we going to have a baby this soon!? We went home and packed our bags, and Griffin's bag, and the carseat, and millions of other things that we "might need." We had no idea how long we'd be there! Would it be one night and then a baby? or would the IV work and we'd stay several nights so Griffin could "cook" longer and then we'd have a baby?

We got to the hospital and checked in at the ER. It was a little bit disconcerting because they didn't seem to know we were coming! Finally, they figured out why we were there, talked to my doctor and got us settled in. Then we discoverd the most ironic thing! My friend, Sarah, and her baby were next door to us! What!? I won't put all of the details of why they were there in case she doesn't want that on the internet, but it was certainly a pleasant surprise to have a good friend so close. We had joked that we wanted to be at the hospital at the same time (her due date was 3 days after mine, but had her baby at 34 weeks and 6 days) and we were, but for different reasons that either of us had thought!

My parents also came and brought us super that night and visited for a while. The nurses told me not to eat or drink anything after midnight just in case I was going to have a c-section tomorrow. So I ate a wonderful avacado hamburger from Chili's and we enjoyed my parents company and the comfort of having them there for a little while.

Then, they left and it was a long night of getting up and dragging my IV pole with me to the bathroom .... And we prayed for God to take care of our baby...

Today is Friday, October 15th:

It was a long morning of waiting for the sonographer to come! My doctor had told me when he admitted me for IV fluids that he would have the sonographer that had been working with me come over to the hospital and check my fluids in the morning. All of the nurses seemed to think she may come around 7 or 7:15.... which came and went. Then 8:15 came and went. Then 9:15 came and went! Finally, my doctor showed up in my room to just do the sonogram himself. Great!

"Well, I'm gonna call this 1cm of fluid just to be nice, but there's really not that much in there. " Then he proceded to tell me that we needed to get Griffin out of there and we were going to have a baby today!

What!? Chris and I just looked at each other and smiled. We were both so excited and so scared, I think. We of course again began to make phone calls to our parents. My parents, Chris's parents, Jodi, Robert, and Ira were all able to make it before I went back to surgery. I was so nervous! I've been told that I was pretty funny back in the OR, just out of sheer nervousness, not drug induced. Chris got to come back and hold my hand after I was all numbed up. He also said I was pretty funny back there.

Then - the c-section. I'm not going to describe on here how it felt or looked or anything like that. I know that they llifted my sweet baby up over the sheet to show me and I began asking to hear the cries... They suctioned him and finally we heard the most beautiful little cries.

From there it's kind of a blur of what happened. People began telling me he wasn't breathing quite as good as they wanted him to, so instead of giving him to me he needed to go to the oxygen hood. Chris went with them. I stayed on the table to be sewn up.

The next thing I knew I was back in my room and my family was coming back in there with me. Then Chris and the pediatrician came back and began telling me that they were going to put my baby on a helicopter and send him to the NICU at Cook Chidren's Hospital. I'm crying now as I type this. This was probably the most devastating news I have ever heard in my life.

As I layed in the bed, unable to move my legs, with my family holding my hands and petting my head comforting their crying/balling daughter/sister, the Teddy Bear Transport Team was back hooking up my baby to his "helicopter carseat" and intubating him. They wheeled him in and the first time I touched him was inside this beast of a machine, telling him goodbye before he flew somewhere I could not go. I can hardly even see to type this now through my tears remembering the helpless feeling...

Today we took our first family photo:

Today I said goodbye to my baby.

Today I pumped for the first time instead of breastfeeding.

Today, Chris followed Griffin up to Cooks to see where he would be and check on him. Today, Chris took some pictures of Griffin on his birthday.

Today I had a baby that I haven't held yet... and today we thanked God that we had one.

Today is Saturday, October 16:

Today, I woke up through the night to an alarm to pump my breasts instead of a hungry crying baby.

Today, my doctor came in and told me he was going to release me from the hospital about a day and a half early so I could go to Cooks and see Griffin. Thank you, God!!

Today, we found out that Griffin had been extubated overnight (big move in the right direction!) and would be using a c-pap to help him breathe by the time we got to the hospital to see him.

Today, I touched my baby and told him I loved him a million times, but I wasn't allowed to hold him. He had an umbilical central access line that was arterial, meaning it was very fragile. He had that so that the nurses could draw his blood without sticking his heel and hurting him. That's so good! - but because of this line, my sweet one day old baby had not been held... by anyone yet.His sweet little eyes were swollen shut because he had to start Dopamine and fluids for his low blood pressure and he was retaining some fluid.

Today, my family surrounded me with support as they all made the drive to Cook's to see Griffin.


Today, Griffin's aunts and uncles gave him his first Halloween costume! He's gonna be a giraffe. :)

Today, I cried my eyes out sitting next to a clear plastic box holding my baby safe... and today I thanked God that I had a baby.

We all know by now this has a happy ending... I'll get the next few days posted as soon as I can.